Subway Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki

Another place I'm going to review just for the sake of it, Subway isn't a place I particularly like.  I don't like buying sandwiches (or any food) that I can make better at home for cheap.  The one thing I get is the chicken teriyaki.  I got a toasted 6 inch on 9 grain wheat with lettuce, tomatoes, and swiss.

 

If I ever get this again I'll have to make sure not to get the sweet onion sauce on it.  It tastes ok but makes the sandwich a mess to eat, napkins fucking everywhere.  The sandwich itself doesn't even look too appetizing, the sandwich maker put a shit-ton of lettuce on it.  If anyone is keeping track (I doubt it), yes I do not like lettuce on sandwiches but I make exceptions if the lettuce is shredded.  Basically the sandwich is not bad, just salty and too many mushy textures. I'd much rather get chicken bowl (I'll eventually review some). 

Fat rating: 2/10

Salt rating: 7/10

Taste rating: 6/10

Man vs. Food Review

I'm bored so I'll finally give my thoughts about this show on Travel Channel.  The host Adam Richman is a perfect fit for America.  Outgoing, white, and a gigantic fatass.  The very premise of the show is hilarious, he goes around the country (hence why it's on the Travel Channel) and goes to three places.  The first two restaurants he goes to he has a few bites and pretends it's the best thing he's ever eaten: 

THIS CHEESEBURGER HAS THE MOST TENDER JUICY GROUND CHUCK SEASONED TO PERFECTION, THE CREAMINESS OF THE THOUSAND ISLAND IN CONJUNCTION WITH THE THICK CUT MAPLEWOOD SMOKED BACON AND CRISPY ONION STRAWS MIXED WITH THE FRESHNESS OF THE LETTUCE AND TOMATO COMBINED WITH THE SMOOTH AGED CHEDDAR AND PROVOLONE CHEESES MAKES THIS ONE OF THE MOST AMAZING THINGS EVER IN THE EXISTENCE OF FOOD.

Then for the finale, he attempts to eat a ludicrously large (or spicy) amount of food which could feed a third world country for a week.  It's painful to see him halfway through most challenges as he chokes it down, not for the sake of enjoyment, but to entertain a country of people where this is considered quality entertainment, where Richman is probably considered a hero for eating a 5 pound steak. 

Why do I watch it?  Ironically for the most part, to see some good looking food, and out of boredom.  Occasionally Adam swears or does something comical.  Seeing some of the managers reactions to him are classic, they look dead inside.  Also, as you'd expect, the people interviewed at restaurants and in the background are mostly obese.  When it comes down to it, you want to feel sorry for them, but when you see them eating a gigantic sandwich stuffed with 3 kinds of meat, 2 sauces, cheese up the ass, WITH COLESLAW AND FRIES inside the damn thing...you just have to laugh.

Denny's Wheat Pancakes

Got lazy and didn't review these when I ate them last Saturday, they're pancakes so there really isn't much to say.

They're the first pancakes I've eaten in years, no butter and used a little syrup. Not a fan of breakfast food.  Eggs and sausage are disgusting deal with it etc.  The cakes themselves were undercooked and definitely wheat pancake-y.  The reason they taste awesome w/ syrup is because of the mixture of salty (yes, pancakes are salty as hell look up the nutrition facts BRO) and sweet.  Adding whipped grease...err... I mean... butter adds fat to the equation to form the triuvirate of taste (salty, sweet, fatty).  I am SUCH  a buzzkill but I'm just a facts kind of guy DUDE.   I can live without pancakes. Waffles are slightly better because of texture, but bottom line is it's just the same ingredients in a different form. /mexican food crashes through ceiling

Fat rating: 1/10

Salt rating: 8/10

Taste rating: 4/10 w/o syrup, 6/10 with syrup

Round Table Pizza Cheese Personal Pan Pizza

"Mods are asleep, post some CP" - immortal words echoed by the souls of the damned.  If you know what I'm talking about you're probably on the internet a lot, and nobody's judging you.  If you don't know what I'm talking about, CP is cheese pizza and we'll leave it at that.

After class I skated down to Round Table, almost ran over this retarded bitch who was on the phone NO BIG DEAL.  I've eaten there twice in the 4+ years I've been at school, because it's like $6 for a small pizza and it's just not any good.  I just was thinking, meh I'll try it to see if it got any better since the last time and write a review since MY OPINIONS OBVIOUSLY MATTER.  

The first quadrant of pizza I ate was good, a nice blend of "rustic" sauce, cheese and crust.  The other 3/4's however, were just like I remembered.  Barely any sauce and a thick layer of moderately greasy cheese.  It's basically cheese bread.  NO THANKS, ROUND TABLE.  Maybe I'll get the garlic sticks sometime w/ a side of the marinara sauce.  That actually sounds good now, as I'm still hungry and need something to get rid of this bland cheese bread taste.

Fat rating: 6/10

Salt rating: 7/10

Taste rating: 4/10

Carls Jr. Chicken Teriyaki Sandwich

I wanted to get this last week but they were out of all breads except sourdough, not really a fan of bread to begin with so yeah.  The honey wheat roll used on this sandwich is the same the place I worked had, it's not bad.  Definitely better than white bread (which can FOAD) but definitely inferior to whole wheat.

Onto the sandwich, I didn't get any veggies on it because 1. onions suck 2. FUCK LETTUCE 3. tomatoes don't go well with this thing (I've had it before).  I also got no cheese because it's processed shit white cheese, and no mayo because mayo is nasty crap. YEAH I'M PICKY.

Basically it's piece of chicken with fuckin' gooooood teriyaki sauce on it and topped (or should I say bottomed) with pineapples.  Overall good sandwich would rec to friends.

Fat rating: 1/10

Salt rating: 6/10

Taste rating: 8/10

Del Taco

After picking up my brother from school, we usually go over to Del Taco and get a shit-ton of food for cheap.  Today we split 3 Classic Tacos, 2 chicken soft tacos (no sauce), 2 crunchy tacos, and 2 soft tacos w/ beans instead of beef.  Grand total : $7.16. 

First, the classic tacos.  These are thee holy grail of americanized fast food tacos in terms of price, taste, and quanity.  Basically it's a regular taco w/ a lot more beef and cheese, and some tomatoes.  I LOVE this shit.  Probably the best way to spend a dollar I can think of. 

Fat rating: 7/10

Salt rating: 7/10

Taste rating: 8.5/10

 The regular tacos are discounted at 39 cents (usually they're 59) for that price I could probably eat here everyday if I wanted but nah.  They're nothing amazing but for the extra change I'd upgrade to CLASSIC

Fat rating: 5/10

Salt rating: 6/10

Taste rating: 5/10

Now onto the soft tacos.  The relatively newish thing I do now is get beans instead of beef at Taco Bell and Del Taco on soft tacos, the texture of beans w/ letttuce and cheese combined with the tortilla is pretty smooth.  I sound like that wideload Adam Richmond (I think I'll review the show Man vs. Food soon) but it's true.  For 39 cents hell yeah, I didn't get a picture of them but got a pic of the chicken tacos (which are 99 cents) since they look exactly the same. 

Fat rating: 3/10

Salt rating: 8/10

Taste rating: 6/10

I'm eating a chicken taco as I type this, they're always flavorful but not really something to get every time.  No sauce of course, cause sauce FUCKING SUCKS. 

Taco Bell Taco and Chicken Gorditas

It's only appropriate I do my first review on a place I've eaten since I was a kid.  I've probably eaten over 9000 tacos, and other various taco bell ingredients in different forms.  Since the Taco Bell at school doesn't have Double Deckers  (WHY I DON'T FUCKIN KNOW, IT'S JUST A TACO LAYERED W/ BEANS AND A TORILLA, MY GOD), I got a taco and two chicken gorditas w/o sour cream.

 

The taco was just like usual, the most entry-level taco on the planet.  I may be pretentious but I don't think I'll ever be above eating these.

I was craving chicken gorditas for some reason.  The flatbread is a lot better than a standard flour tortilla, mixed with chicken, lettuce, and a good amount of cheese and tomatoes.

Since the meal wasn't too heavy, I didn't feel like shit after eating it.  I try to keep most meals at around 500-600 calories and thats probably the amount this meal was.  The amount of salt left me w/ a dry mouth as I'm typing this though. 

I'll go over the rating system, basically if the fat and salt ratings are low but the taste rating is high that's a good thing, and vice-versa.

Fat rating (how fatty the meal was): 3/10
Salt rating (how salty): 8/10
Taste rating (overall satisfaction): 8/10

Welcome to Tacographics!

On this blog I will review various foods I eat, featuring REAL TALK analysis of various restaurant and homemade foods.  Tacos are obviously going to be the main dish I discuss, as they are an all around amazing food.  For the people who do not know me well, I may come off as a critical asshole at times but just remember: I do not take myself seriously and this is all for fun, when I use caps I am just putting emphasis on words, not actually SHOUTING!  I'll try to make my reviews entertaining.

Explanation of  rating system: 

Fat rating (how fatty the meal was): 3/10

Salt rating (how salty): 8/10

Taste rating (overall satisfaction): 8/10

Basically if the fat and salt ratings are low but the taste rating is high that's a good thing, if they're high and the taste rating is low that is NOT good.

Origin of name: Tacographics is a term I invented which basically means the target audience (demographic, psychographic) of this blog is: 18-34 male/female, frugal/make low wages, intelligent/witty, introverted, and enjoy tacos/mexican food/other foods.

Oh, and I use a 2.2 mp camera phone for pictures, that's why they suck. If you would like to contribute to a Tacographics camera fund, I will gladly accept donations.

Jan 2013  Update - photos are better now, my camera phone isn't garbage anymore.