Juan Pollo Chicken Tacos (Hard Shell)

A place I always go when I'm in the area is Juan Pollo. For less than 3 bucks I get two tacos with a side of mild salsa and a side of pinto beans.  The tacos are filled nearly to the top with shredded chicken, a little lettuce, some cheese, and a tomato wedge.  The amount of chicken leaves the other ingredients overflowing, which is nice.

The chicken isn't exactly amazing but for the price you can't expect it to be.  It's still pretty good, especially combined with the other ingredients in one bite.  The mild salsa is definitely mild, probably as mild as humanly possible.  Made mostly of tomatoes, there are also bits of carrots which is not something I see often. Quality salsa.  The tacos aren't salty, but the beans sort of were.  Overall, when I leave this place I leave satisfied. 

BECAUSE YOU TOTALLY NEED TO SEE THESE IN ANOTHER ANGLE

Fat rating: 3.5/10

Salt rating: 5/10

Taste rating: 7.5/10

Del Taco Shredded Beef Burrito

Probably the most expensive item I buy at Del Taco, the shredded beef burrito is $2.59.  I got it with no green sauce (I might try it with it sometime).  It has a light amount of beans, cheese, and is composed mostly of the shredded beef.  Since anything with meat is automatically the determining factor in a review, I'll talk about it.  It's my preferred style of meat over carne asada most of the time because it's more consistent.  It's usually more tender, has a better texture and combined with beans = excellent.

The burrito is small, to be expected.  I've gotten big shredded beef burritos at local places before at about $6.  You pay for what you get.  Pretty much it costs about $5 to get full at a chain taco place, and about $6 or $7 at local places because they have higher costs. GETTING BACK ON TOPIC, the only con about this burrito is it is pretty dry.  I used a little hot sauce on it which helped.

Fat rating: 5/10

Salt rating: 6.5/10

Taste rating 7/10

Rountable Garlic Parmesean Twists

Went back to Round Table to hopefully make amends for their sub-standard 'zza.  This time I got the garlic twists.  I have never bought them a la carte because they're almost $4, but today was the day.  They're a little smaller than I remember, but also taste better.  Looking at the nutrition facts was pretty surprising, 3 of these shits have 16g of fat and over half a day's worth of sodium NOT including the rustic sauce (I'm assuming). 

Needless to say, the high fat + sodium combo makes for a delicious breads--- wait a second, these fuckers have cheese in the them?  DAAAAAMN.  Halfway into the first one I ate I noticed the cheese, which I don't not remember them having (it's been awhile).  So that's pretty cool,  it complements the garlic without being overpowering.  Then dipping them into the thick marinara was almost too much, like not even fair.  These things don't even need the sauce to begin with.

Fat rating: 6/10

Salt rating: 7/10

Taste rating: 8/10

Denny's Chicken Panini and Sweet Potato Fries

Yes, another Denny's review.  There's even more to come because I eat there a lot.  If you know me you know why (and that's pretty much everyone?).  I haven't gotten the chicken panini in awhile so I got it with no mustard.  It's tomatoes, chicken, and that plastic swiss topped with bacon on potato bread.  It's then brushed with "Denny's Cooking oil" (I know all the secrets) and put on the grill for probably a few minutes.

What's weird is this is the only non-breakfast item with bacon on the whole menu, don't ask me why.  Jim "did you know if you sprinkled bacon bits on bacon you can travel back in time"  Gaffigan would be appalled.  If there's one thing I can't bitch about is the skimpy amount of it, I always did the same thing when I made bacon cheeseburgers.  As with anything, the bacon enhances the sandwich and even makes the cheese tolerable.  The thick potato bread is a nice touch, overall a lot of textures blending together for a decent, albeit sort of heavy sandwich (this is Denny's after all). 

Fat rating: 6/10

Salt rating: 6/10

Taste rating: 6.5/10

I got sweet potato fries as a side, looking back on my decision it didn't make too much sense. AS IF THE PANINI DIDN'T HAVE ENOUGH POTATO AND GREASE IN THE BREAD HURRR. Not the worst decision I've ever made, though.  They're really good.  If you've never had them they're just as advertised: fries with slight sweetness to them. 

 Fat rating: 8/10

Salt rating 4/10

Taste rating: 8/10

Chronic Tacos Steak Fatty Taco

Chronic Tacos is pretty much mexican food for white people.  Like Chipotle, you can customize your burritos and tacos, as they are made in front of you.  That's where the comparisons end, though.  Their food and atmosphere are nothing alike, the companies have completely different psychographic segmentations. If you have no fucking clue what I'm saying just think Chipotle = hipster (trendy and pretentious douchebag) and Chronic Taco = extreme sportser (athletic and recreational drug using douchebag).

Chronic Taco's servicescape screams surfer bro, from the music to the decor.  Everything looks totally rad, but how's the food?   I got two "fatty" (insert obnoxious pot-fueled chuckles here) tacos with carne asada, lettuce, cheese, mild salsa, and guacamole on two corn tortillas.

The carne asada is dry and more quanity over quality, there are a few onions mixed in the meat for flavor that I could do without.  Lettuce and cheese were standard but the mild salsa is upper echelon, chunky and tomato based.  Unlike pretty much every taco place I've ever been to, guacamole is included so that's a plus; a good scoop of it was topped on each taco.  What you're looking at is as good as it get in terms of what I like on my tacos ingredients wise.  The average and salty carne asada holds them back from being true greatness, however.

 Fat rating: 6.5/10

Salt rating: 6.5/10

Taste rating: 7/10

Taco Bell Grilled Stuffed Burrito

Was craving one yesterday so I got a chicken one.  Usually I prefer steak in burritos but taco bell's steak is basically less rough beef jerky.  Got no jalepeno sauce and they were out of pico de gallo.


As you can see, I am clearly mega-stoked taking my first bite.  That's where the feeling ended, however.  My burrito was definitely grilled, but stuft?  Hell fuckin' no it wasn't. 

LOOK AT THIS SHIT ^^^

As you can see, the tortilla-to-ingredient ratio is pretty shit-bad. It was embarassing, luckily I ordered a side of beans and rice to go along with it. One thing I am not picky with is beans and rice, they're pretty much impossible to mess up. 

Fat rating - 5/10

Salt rating - 8/10

Taste rating - 6/10

Klondike Choco Taco

My fondness of tacos stretches beyond that of meat, cheese, and lettuce into the realm of individually packaged dessert.  After a tip to review a Choco Taco surfaced, I suddenly remembered I had half of one sitting in the freezer for about a month.

I am not a big sweets person, these along with snickers ice cream bars are pretty god tier though.  A chocotaco is a taco with a sugar cone shell, filled with vanilla ice cream and covered in hard chocolate and peanuts.  I first had one last year, the first thing you realize is the cone shell is chewy and not crunchy.  Once you get past that, the choco taco delivers a good combination of flavors.  Maybe I'm just biased because it's just a Drumstick in the form of a taco, albeit definitely less messy to eat.

Fat rating: 6/10

Sugar rating: 6/10

Taste rating: 8/10

Denny's Western Burger

A common thing I've done and will continue to do is refer back to when I worked making burgers/sandwiches/wraps. I always made custom things not on the menu because restaurants tend to not make anything I like with every ingredient.  I say "no ----" a shit-ton, or "with ---- instead".  At Denny's I've gotten a Western burger with prime rib steak chunks instead of ground beef.  Why? Because you tell me with a straight face that hamburger is better than steak.  I DARE YOU.

Last week I got it with no veggies but never wrote a review:

And it was fuckin' good.  A1 sauce + steak is always a great combo, I hate onions but onions straws are the shit because, well, they're fried.  The swiss is probably the same fake plastic-y kind they use at Carls Jr.  Since it wasn't melted I took it off, saving an otherwise mouth-watering sandwich.

I got it earlier today and it was just as good, tender and relatively lean prime rib with a1 and onion straws. Eating this with a baked potato would probably be an all-around excellent meal, so I'll probably get it to-go sometime and just microwave a potato at home. 

Fat rating: 5/10

Salt rating: 7/10

Taste rating: 9/10

Rubio's Steak Taco and Chicken Burrito Especial

Friday night, the best night of the week for a lot of people.  Out mingling with friends havin' a gooood time, doin' thangs.  While others are getting to-tal-ee way-sted, I'm in my room eatin food, watchin' Simpsons, and writing this.   I went to Rubio's and got a steak taco combo and a stea..I mean chicken burrito. I fuckin' ordered a steak burrito but this is what happens when you order take out, SHIT HAPPENS.  PISSED. OFF.

The steak tacos had a lot of steak, but also a lot of lettuce.  Just look at all this green shit on my tacos:

  

                                             THE HELL IS THIS A GODDAMN SALAD


So I took most of it off:

FUCKING LEAVES FOAD

MUCH FUCKING BETTER.  That looks 10x more delicious, they were pretty mmmmm.  The pico de gallo and guacamole added a good flavor to the already delicious carne asada.  This is probably the best carne asada I can think of, especially for an Americanized place.  You can't see it but there was a bit of cheese semi-melted on the side of the corn tortilla (they're also available in flour). The rice and beans they came with were solid. 

Fat rating: 5/10

Salt rating: 6/10

Taste rating: 9/10

Now, the chicken burrito especial, no sour cream and no chipotle sauce.  What's in it is black beans, rice, chicken, cheese, pico de gallo, and a little guacamole.  The thing about burritos is you can't tell how much of each ingredient is actually in the thing, it's a pure crapshoot.  It was a bitch to eat because it was falling a part.  Once I got burrito control on lockdown it was above average. As with the steak, Rubio's makes good grilled chicken, bonus points for the slight charredness.  The blend of the rest of the ingredients was fine and the burrito is a pretty good size.  I ate half of it and will eat the rest tomorrow.

Fat rating: 6/10

Salt rating: 7/10

Taste rating: 7/10

   

Subway Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki

Another place I'm going to review just for the sake of it, Subway isn't a place I particularly like.  I don't like buying sandwiches (or any food) that I can make better at home for cheap.  The one thing I get is the chicken teriyaki.  I got a toasted 6 inch on 9 grain wheat with lettuce, tomatoes, and swiss.

 

If I ever get this again I'll have to make sure not to get the sweet onion sauce on it.  It tastes ok but makes the sandwich a mess to eat, napkins fucking everywhere.  The sandwich itself doesn't even look too appetizing, the sandwich maker put a shit-ton of lettuce on it.  If anyone is keeping track (I doubt it), yes I do not like lettuce on sandwiches but I make exceptions if the lettuce is shredded.  Basically the sandwich is not bad, just salty and too many mushy textures. I'd much rather get chicken bowl (I'll eventually review some). 

Fat rating: 2/10

Salt rating: 7/10

Taste rating: 6/10

Man vs. Food Review

I'm bored so I'll finally give my thoughts about this show on Travel Channel.  The host Adam Richman is a perfect fit for America.  Outgoing, white, and a gigantic fatass.  The very premise of the show is hilarious, he goes around the country (hence why it's on the Travel Channel) and goes to three places.  The first two restaurants he goes to he has a few bites and pretends it's the best thing he's ever eaten: 

THIS CHEESEBURGER HAS THE MOST TENDER JUICY GROUND CHUCK SEASONED TO PERFECTION, THE CREAMINESS OF THE THOUSAND ISLAND IN CONJUNCTION WITH THE THICK CUT MAPLEWOOD SMOKED BACON AND CRISPY ONION STRAWS MIXED WITH THE FRESHNESS OF THE LETTUCE AND TOMATO COMBINED WITH THE SMOOTH AGED CHEDDAR AND PROVOLONE CHEESES MAKES THIS ONE OF THE MOST AMAZING THINGS EVER IN THE EXISTENCE OF FOOD.

Then for the finale, he attempts to eat a ludicrously large (or spicy) amount of food which could feed a third world country for a week.  It's painful to see him halfway through most challenges as he chokes it down, not for the sake of enjoyment, but to entertain a country of people where this is considered quality entertainment, where Richman is probably considered a hero for eating a 5 pound steak. 

Why do I watch it?  Ironically for the most part, to see some good looking food, and out of boredom.  Occasionally Adam swears or does something comical.  Seeing some of the managers reactions to him are classic, they look dead inside.  Also, as you'd expect, the people interviewed at restaurants and in the background are mostly obese.  When it comes down to it, you want to feel sorry for them, but when you see them eating a gigantic sandwich stuffed with 3 kinds of meat, 2 sauces, cheese up the ass, WITH COLESLAW AND FRIES inside the damn thing...you just have to laugh.

Denny's Wheat Pancakes

Got lazy and didn't review these when I ate them last Saturday, they're pancakes so there really isn't much to say.

They're the first pancakes I've eaten in years, no butter and used a little syrup. Not a fan of breakfast food.  Eggs and sausage are disgusting deal with it etc.  The cakes themselves were undercooked and definitely wheat pancake-y.  The reason they taste awesome w/ syrup is because of the mixture of salty (yes, pancakes are salty as hell look up the nutrition facts BRO) and sweet.  Adding whipped grease...err... I mean... butter adds fat to the equation to form the triuvirate of taste (salty, sweet, fatty).  I am SUCH  a buzzkill but I'm just a facts kind of guy DUDE.   I can live without pancakes. Waffles are slightly better because of texture, but bottom line is it's just the same ingredients in a different form. /mexican food crashes through ceiling

Fat rating: 1/10

Salt rating: 8/10

Taste rating: 4/10 w/o syrup, 6/10 with syrup

Round Table Pizza Cheese Personal Pan Pizza

"Mods are asleep, post some CP" - immortal words echoed by the souls of the damned.  If you know what I'm talking about you're probably on the internet a lot, and nobody's judging you.  If you don't know what I'm talking about, CP is cheese pizza and we'll leave it at that.

After class I skated down to Round Table, almost ran over this retarded bitch who was on the phone NO BIG DEAL.  I've eaten there twice in the 4+ years I've been at school, because it's like $6 for a small pizza and it's just not any good.  I just was thinking, meh I'll try it to see if it got any better since the last time and write a review since MY OPINIONS OBVIOUSLY MATTER.  

The first quadrant of pizza I ate was good, a nice blend of "rustic" sauce, cheese and crust.  The other 3/4's however, were just like I remembered.  Barely any sauce and a thick layer of moderately greasy cheese.  It's basically cheese bread.  NO THANKS, ROUND TABLE.  Maybe I'll get the garlic sticks sometime w/ a side of the marinara sauce.  That actually sounds good now, as I'm still hungry and need something to get rid of this bland cheese bread taste.

Fat rating: 6/10

Salt rating: 7/10

Taste rating: 4/10

Carls Jr. Chicken Teriyaki Sandwich

I wanted to get this last week but they were out of all breads except sourdough, not really a fan of bread to begin with so yeah.  The honey wheat roll used on this sandwich is the same the place I worked had, it's not bad.  Definitely better than white bread (which can FOAD) but definitely inferior to whole wheat.

Onto the sandwich, I didn't get any veggies on it because 1. onions suck 2. FUCK LETTUCE 3. tomatoes don't go well with this thing (I've had it before).  I also got no cheese because it's processed shit white cheese, and no mayo because mayo is nasty crap. YEAH I'M PICKY.

Basically it's piece of chicken with fuckin' gooooood teriyaki sauce on it and topped (or should I say bottomed) with pineapples.  Overall good sandwich would rec to friends.

Fat rating: 1/10

Salt rating: 6/10

Taste rating: 8/10

Del Taco

After picking up my brother from school, we usually go over to Del Taco and get a shit-ton of food for cheap.  Today we split 3 Classic Tacos, 2 chicken soft tacos (no sauce), 2 crunchy tacos, and 2 soft tacos w/ beans instead of beef.  Grand total : $7.16. 

First, the classic tacos.  These are thee holy grail of americanized fast food tacos in terms of price, taste, and quanity.  Basically it's a regular taco w/ a lot more beef and cheese, and some tomatoes.  I LOVE this shit.  Probably the best way to spend a dollar I can think of. 

Fat rating: 7/10

Salt rating: 7/10

Taste rating: 8.5/10

 The regular tacos are discounted at 39 cents (usually they're 59) for that price I could probably eat here everyday if I wanted but nah.  They're nothing amazing but for the extra change I'd upgrade to CLASSIC

Fat rating: 5/10

Salt rating: 6/10

Taste rating: 5/10

Now onto the soft tacos.  The relatively newish thing I do now is get beans instead of beef at Taco Bell and Del Taco on soft tacos, the texture of beans w/ letttuce and cheese combined with the tortilla is pretty smooth.  I sound like that wideload Adam Richmond (I think I'll review the show Man vs. Food soon) but it's true.  For 39 cents hell yeah, I didn't get a picture of them but got a pic of the chicken tacos (which are 99 cents) since they look exactly the same. 

Fat rating: 3/10

Salt rating: 8/10

Taste rating: 6/10

I'm eating a chicken taco as I type this, they're always flavorful but not really something to get every time.  No sauce of course, cause sauce FUCKING SUCKS.